the christmas choir and making old people cry, and stuff

Zao An,

Time has gone by so fast. I feel the pull coming from the other side of the world, and it's really strange. I'm trying to be excited, not scared. I am worried most about losing the clarity I have developed out here, that comes when I'm able to think about others and not myself. Lately there has been this self-consciousness settling in on me, as I think about going home and who I will be. I have no idea how to be a "normal" person. At the same time, I feel how toxic this kind of thinking is, how much time it wastes, and what a deception it is to think that there is such a thing as being "normal" or that other people know reality better just because there are fewer people who challenge their definition of it.

I want to just keep doing what I've done on my mission, which is to not worry about these questions. Just live, and love the people around me and do whatever occurs to me is best to do--and don't get in fits when I have limited knowledge or abilities. Do what I can with what I've been given, and enjoy whatever comes after I've done that.

I'm just trying to be where my feet are. Luckily we have been really busy.

The missionary Christmas Choir has been bringing lots of beautiful experiences. And as usual, the loveliest ones are those that come unintentionally, in between things. For instance, we have been traveling on the MRT (metro) to different wards to perform.When we travel together with a group of missionaries, there is always such a temptation just to talk to each other. But there is always a very evident stickiness to our conversations together; we all feel the tug to look behind us, to our sides, and start talking to the people around us. So we do. And this huge, delightful energy engulfs the train as all these white shirted, white-bloused, red-scarfed people with name tags start making friends with separate and start making friends with everyone around them.

We found some people who had interest in coming to our concerts or coming to church, but we also apparently impacted people we didn't even talk to. On Saturday afternoon, we ran into the Danshui Elders. They stopped us and said, "We really need to thank you!" Apparently while we were contacting on the MRT the night before, a less active man had seen us. He was so touched by how happy we all were, even though many people were caught off guard when we started talking to them and didn't seem to have much interest.  He decided to start coming back to church, so he called the elders and asked what time church was, and if he could meet them. When he was meeting with them, he showed them a picture he had sneakily taken of my companion and me talking to a woman with not very much interest. haha.

Another lovely little thing happened on Saturday. We went out to a really famous busy streets where crowds mill around to shop or go out to eat, and we started caroling and handing out flyers for that night's performance, inviting people to come. Then we remembered that our investigator, Jiang Jiemei, lived nearby. She is a very intelligent woman in her 70's who lately has been really humbled by her declining health, and is learning the gospel fast. (She is getting baptized on Christmas!) We walked with the Elders to her first floor apartment. She opened the door and we sang Silent Night to her. She watched us quietly for the first two verses, but on the third verse, she just collapsed into silent sobs. I think all of us wanted to cry, too; there was such a beautiful spirit, among us. We invited her to that night's performance and she firmly said, "I'll be there."

Between the nativity performances, our choir performed, and I also played some songs I arranged with Elder Darger, an Elder who plays guitar who used to play in a band in Provo, like me. It was so fun; we got a really enthusiastic crowd to watch us, and we were kind of rocking out to our minor-folky style Christmas songs in a missionary way, haha. I can't believe how much I've used my violin on my mission, and how much my experience with my band has helped me learn how to write things quick, improvise, and perform so I could play out here. I am really lucky.

I don't know how life has been so good to me.
Okay, have a great week and stuff! Love you!

Sister Brown