Ma Yoyo and miracles

Nihao-dy,

Thanks to whoever anonymously sent me the YoYo Ma CD! Or the Ma YoYo CD, as I now know his name is called. Du Jiemei and I love it!

This was a really great week.

Life goes best when I remember what matters, when I am connected to my purpose in life. In my  Sociology classes at BYU, we studied Weber's critique of capitalism. He argues that capitalist behaviors initially emerged out of protestant religion valued hard work, frugalness, dedication, etc.  So people lived pursuing these ideals, which made them great money-makers, but eventually these patterns of success became a more rigidly established routine and got separated from their inital purpose--which was to please God. He called capitalism an "iron cage"; "iron" because the system of capitalism became so powerful and established in society that it is nearly impossible to escape, "cage" because it traps us. He said because capitalism eventually became disconnected from its religious roots, it runs the risk of being an entirely meaningless, money-making system that doesn't bring real joy in life. Maybe this is too broad, but I think it's very similar to the argument Christ made against the Scribes and pharisees, or that Abinadi made to the priests of King Noah--that the systems they used to order life (Law of Moses), were empty and meaningless when disconnected from God. The purpose of the Law of Moses wasn't written on their hearts.

Anyway, my worst fear as a missionary is going along with the system while being disconnected with the meaning. It is surprisingly easy to slip into routine, and it is a daily struggle to counteract it with constant striving for personal improvement, sincere prayer, scripture studies that really engage my soul, and just trying to never, ever forget what I am really doing.

One of the ways I try to do that is by reminding myself to love and be happy. I think that is the purpose of the gospel, to teach us how to view every person, every flower, every piece of bread we put in our mouths as the incredibly valuable, beautiful thing God created it to be. To love people and things with the love Christ embodied. I On my mission, I have experienced that there is nothing more joyful then just sinking into whatever is around you. Sometimes I wake up early in the morning and pull myself out of bed just to take pictures of the sunrise, or of my slippers on the floor. I don't know why, but I just love it all.

I also really love sinking into lessons. Just listening to what others are saying. Listening with my whole being. Yesterday I had a lesson with a woman who moved from China to Taiwan to escape a terribly abusive relationship. She cried and cried. She talked  about how Chinese culture doesn't really value women, and her Dad never wanted her because she was female. She never graduated high school because of a lack of financial support from him. She works now in Taiwan selling make up, and is just thankful to be safe. I had no idea what to say, as I listened. But I felt so aware of her suffering, and my heart was frantically searching for the most loving, true thing to say in response. What I said probably was not perfect, but I tried to use a filter of compassion to understand her, and I think because of that what I said was good.

I have learned SO many interesting things about China, since coming to Taiwan. I think their culture is both awe-inspiring and terrifying. They are so brilliant--I have heard about how they manufacture and sell foods pretty much entirely made out of plastic or chemicals, but which look and taste exactly like real eggs, meat, vegetables, etc. That is an incredible scientific accomplishment that on one level really deserves to be admired. But selling this to ignorant consumers kind of manifests the danger of a culture that is so driven by money and so disconnected with things like religion, or questions that bring moral guidance to our lives. It seems to be all about money, for them. The woman we met with yesterday asked me several times if I was paid to represent the church, because she thinks I look like a model. She couldn't seem to grasp the idea that I really was a volunteer, acting in at least large part out of the sincerity of my heart, and wasn't receiving any financial support. And I can see why; she is someone who has lived in such desperate circumstances; I don't think she has been ALLOWED to conceive of her own life choices as including something like voluntary service.

And that's why the gospel is so, so important. Because if we are continually reminded of our purpose for living, which is to have joy, and to value everything around us, then this woman wouldn't be in this situation. Her dad would have loved her and treated her well, and her husband would have, too. And all China's cool scientific improvements could be used for the good of others rather than personal financial benefit.

Anyway, life is really good. I am trying to be happy and thankful at the end of each day, and the result is that things just feel magical sometimes! Stuff really happens that sounds like stuff out of movies. Last week I started talking to a woman at a stoplight. She set up to meet with us the next night. She said that night she had chosen for some reason to walk home from work instead of take the bus, and she didn't know why. She said she had been really sad and walking aimlessly, for an hour. When she saw me at the stoplight, she thought of all the times she had seen missionaries before but hadn't been interesting, but this time she knew in her heart that she was ready. So when I invited her to meet with us, she accepted.
Like really, she said all of that. The scary thing is I was almost too shy to talk to her.

I love you all so much! Take care,

Sister Brown