No Easter, but we had an Earthquake this week!‏

Dear Everybody,

I didn't know it was Easter at all until some lady in my ward gave Sister Sun and I hard-boiled eggs with one of those cute plastic bunny wrappers around them. How strange it is to be so out of the loop! I can't wait to be a part of Easter next year with you all and get to eat Mom's creative passover meal, which she told me about. How fun!

We had an earthquake the other day, during companion study. It was pretty cool. Sister Sun and I were discussing a lesson plan for one of our investigators. I asked her if she thought a certain scripture was fitting, and she started saying something about, "Dizhen" (earthquake). I was like, "What?" And she kept muttering about "Dizhen!" And I was like, "Oh my gosh, my Chinese must be so bad; I have no idea what she's talking about, because that SO does not answer my question." Then she pointed out the window, where this electrical line was swinging like crazy, and I suddenly noticed our desks and the walls and the floor were simultaneously shifting gentle back and forth. Then I was like, "OH, she means Dizhen!" Haha. Understanding another language depends so much on context, doesn't it? Learn your contexts well. 

Being a missionary is so weird. During studies I feel so close to God, so filled with desire to be a spiritual, successful servant of him; I pray to be able to say what I can to help people, to make them laugh and smile or feel touched by the idea that someone loves them. This does happen often, and I am so thankful for those moments  The dialogue we have for missionary work seems to largely focus on these successes as a natural consequence of spirituality. But I am also learning that half of the time, being a good servant of God just requires accepting disappointments with love and patience rather than resentment. As I've searched the scriptures and Preach my Gospel, I've come to really see that there is very much a dialogue for this as well, but we don't seem to talk about it as much, as missionaries. 

Another weird thing about missionary work is the simultaneous arrogance and love it requires. Sometimes I think it is hilarious, the things we talk about during our studies, when we are planning for investigators. We ask ourselves things like, "What is she struggling with, right now?" "What does she need to hear from us?" "Why do you think she doesn't like reading the Book of Mormon?" As if we, these two little girls, one of who is American and from a totally different cultural background, who get brief hour-long glances at our investigators lives each week, have any place to be accurately answering these questions. But I think the point is not to answer the question correctly. I think the point is that in discussing these questions we learn to think about and sensitively care for these people. I think the point is that no matter what we end up saying, no matter what scripture we end up sharing, it will come from a source of light, pointed in their direction. 

Another weird thing about being a missionary is how all the talents I thought I had end up being the ones of little use, but God gives me new ones to keep up with the demands of each day. As an example, I can tell you about my assignment of about 8 weeks ago to start teaching the children during English Class, every Wednesday. They are so loud, so energetic; they hate sitting, they hate listening, and I really thought I was going to crazy, when I started teaching them. It is exhausting! At first my attitude was very uppity; as they were dashing around the classroom joke-punching each other and trying to steal the whiteboard marker from me, I was trying to think how on earth I was supposed to make any progress with them. I wanted to be teaching adults, who were so much more interesting and intelligent, and who would listen to me and give me the respect I felt I deserved. Wasn't that what I came on a mission to do, anyway? Let people hear and be influenced by my thoughts, my insights, my perspective on things? I didn't come on a mission to learn how to be really animated with my hand and body motions, to talk in a loud, enthusiastic voice that is easier to pay attention to, or to dance the hokey pokey week after week because it's the only thing that they seem to like. And yet that's what I've learned to do with the kids. And it works. One boy, who at first was particularly annoying to me because he is 9--the oldest in the class--and should be able to behave himself a little better, came up to me after church one day and just through his arms around my waist in a hug, without saying anything. 

My heart just wants to break with how much I love the God who lets me have these tender experiences. He is a God who has helped me so many times by just telling me to smile. Really. I was really sad, as we came home one night this week, because one of our investigators who I love so much really did not respond well to the Law of Chastity lesson and was kind of hinting she wasn't going to keep progressing with the gospel. I was feeling so weighed down with how much I would miss her, and how much I had hoped she would keep progressing. And as I was going about writing records and making calls and planning like we usually do at night, I felt this sweet, gentle nudge in my heart, God telling me, "Hey, you can do this. It's going to be okay. Be happy!" 

There is so much I don't know and understand and still so many places I doubt and worry--but I really believe in Him, and that he is good. 

I love you all! Happy Easter! Have great Grandview days and write to me if you haven't in a while because I MISS you! 

Diana