Hello everybody!
Happy Birthday to Bill this week and
happy birthday last week to Akane! I can't believe it's already been a
year since she was born. Yay!
This week was hard and good like every week. I learned a lot. I needed to be humbled a lot.
This week, I want to tell you a little bit about
Taiwan. As you probably know, it is a very small island, and extremely
populated. The environmental issues they are facing now are ones America
may face in the future, or maybe not. But mainly, there are tons of
people, and so little space. Entire families live in apartments that are
smaller, more cluttered, and much more inconvenient than any of the
ones I ever lived in at BYU. But that's just how it is here--there just
isn't a lot of personal space, and that's just how things are.
One thing Taiwan has been required to do to respond
to their particular situation is recycling. I used to think the blue
recycling bins in Ogden were already pretty complicated, but even that
is so much simpler than in Taiwan. Taking out the garbage is a very
complicated process! First of all, you have to buy special pink plastic
bags. Second, the garbage truck comes through every day at noon and at 8
pm, and you have to run out to the street to chase it. You know it's
coming because it blares through the streets with a horn that plays,
"Fur Elise". (I'm not kidding. It's glorious.) And then once you get
into the crowd trying to throw their trash into the garbage truck, you
have to make sure your trash-trash, your recycling-trash, and your
food-trash are all separate. None of those are allowed to mix, or they
get mad!
I always wondered what they did with the recycling
trash, and now I know a little bit more. Every week, our district goes
to this Buddhist temple--a large, gray stone building that is mainly a
museum with pictures of a certain organization doing community service.
In the back, though, they have this large warehouse type area where
dozens of volunteers come to recycle. Usually we sit on little stools,
put on gloves, and spend about an hour separating plastic wrappers and
foam netting used to sell guava in from the leftover leaves and bits of
guava stuck in them. That means that someone went through all the
recycling trash and made a special pile especially for guava wrappers,
and our part was the next part of the process. Sometimes the specks we
have to pick out are like little slivers. It is such a piece-by-piece,
detailed process! It gives me such an appreciation for all the hard work
that our earth and other people go through to provide for our needs.
This past Friday when we went to do Buddhist
recycling service, I was especially happy. They had a group of high
school kids coming to volunteer, and had an assembly planned in their
auditorium to teach them how to recycle and the importance of it. They
let us attend, and gave us a big warm applaud in welcome. "Tamen shi
Moermenjiao chaunjiaoshi!". There was a lot I tingbudonged (didn't
catch) because it was in Chinese, but basically it was a lot of stuff
about global warming, starvation, natural disasters, etc. I loved it! It
made me miss school so bad! I was taking notes on it, and came out
wanting to have a lot more integrity and simplicity in how I eat, spend
money, and how I use the resources I have. My vegetarian sense was
tingling! I know after Rachel and I unworthily partook of the veggie
burgers in Bear Lake that one summer, you don't really believe me, but I
really do believe in eating less meat!
Anyway, that was a really fun afternoon. Here is a picture of Sister Duggar and I in front of the pile of guava wrappers!
As
far as how things were for me personally this week, there were so many
ups and downs. It's interesting how my down periods always start with a
thought. Which I choose to dwell on, so it soon becomes a pattern of
thought. This week the thought that took me down was blaming my
companion for things. I have felt so much love for her, more than I have
thought I was capable of, but if I let little things get to me too
much, my heart inverts and I start seeing her as a burden rather than a
friend, or a person whom I can serve. It's interesting how in the middle
of the week, this way of thinking seemed so entrenched in me, it seemed
the only to be interpreting my situation. But I knew that wasn't true
because just a week ago, I felt totally different--her tears were cause
for mercy, not judgment. And in fact, technically speaking she was even
much stronger and more chipper this week than she has been in previous
weeks. But a heart bent on resentment can turn anything ugly. I didn't
like myself, for much of this week. There were some moments I felt more
overcome with my weaknesses and fears than I have since before my
mission. I forgot there were other ways I could be. It made me
appreciate how much my mission has opened up my heart and allowed me to
love so much, so that these times when my heart is dark and not wanting
to love are the exception rather than the norm.
What things freed me? Prayer. There were times when I
prayed for what to do and I really felt God tell me, "Laugh about
something. Be happy." (Basically, not to take my self to seriously, and
to be thankful." Another thing that helped was exchanges. For one day, I
was companions with a Sister Muhlestein, who is a smart, thoughtful,
and extremely chill missionary from California. She is a triplet, and
can solve a rubix cube in under a minute! The biggest thing I learned
from her when we were companions was that she, a good, experienced,
successful missionary, is also at peace with things being imperfect. We
were late to appointments. And it was okay. People didn't show up to
lessons, who had told us they would come. it was okay. She ate way too
much for dinner. And that was okay. She listened to me talk about all my
challenges (which seemed so big at the time!) and didn't judge me. She
just talked me through them and gave me advice for how I could respond
to these things in the future.
I was writing in my journal about her on Saturday
night and was filled with so much appreciation. And it hit me like a
rock, "It has been about a week since you have been able to just sit
still and appreciate. Feel gratitude. Feel love." I thought of how that
same day an investigator from XinZhuang, Lin Yu Ci, had traveled all the
way to YongHe to give me a Christmas card she made for me. (That is the
other picture.)
While I was thinking of all these things, Sister
Duggar and I were listening to "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" on my
iPod. I felt like I should read my scriptures and the first thing I
opened up to was Moroni 7 about charity being the pure love of Christ.
(I think my scriptures will always fall open to that spot, I've visited
it so many times.) And I started crying and crying in this moment of
release I didn't have words for. I realized all these things I needed to
let go of, and I let them go. We can be in bad moods some days, that
totally disrupt our plans, and it's okay. People can disappoint you and
we can disappoint them, and that's okay. I can be confused and scared
and unsure, and that's okay. Life is still good. Life is still so full
of mercy and grace and cards from friends and laughing fits and pretty
words and melodies. And the more important thing will always be what I
do now, rather than what happened.
I love you all so much! Have a great week!
Diana
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