No time to think of a title!‏

Nihaoooooowdy,

 

Thank you to everyone who wrote me! You all are the best. There is so much I want to say in response to your thoughts and experiences but there isn't time. Just know I really appreciate hearing about them all. Every morning to start personal study I like to read a letter I have saved from a family member or friend. It helps me to remember real life and hear other perspectives than the ones my companion and I feed ourselves every day and also to feel compassion, connection, and the complicatedness of things. Unfortunately I sent most of my letters home after the MTC to save so I don't have as many as I'd like. If any of you ever want to send me snail mail, I would absolutely love that. You can send things directly to my mission home; I will probably get it within a week of it's arrival there.

 

So they lowered the mission ages! The word spread like crazy among missionaries. We had a fireside last night in Taipei for new converts and all missionaries in the Taipei area were allowed to go if we had a new convert to attend with. (We had three who wanted to come, and it was great getting to know them better on the metro. I can't really hold a real conversation, but I find ways to bond and communicate anyway. Last night Pan Jiemei and I started teaching each other Chinese and English words for things. I taught her, "Umbrella" and she pulled out her phone to show me the Rihanna song. Then we bonded because she really likes Rihanna, Mariah Carey, and Lady Gaga. And she started playing a Lady Ambe...(something?) with the lyrics, "Soul Sistah, Soul Sistah..." And I told her about Mary, "Wo de shaungbaotai" and how we called each other soul sisters sometimes when we're pretending to be ghetto. It was a very broken conversation that required props and sign language, but there was a merciful, timid connection there.)

 

Anyway... the point of that was to say that the missionaries heard from members about the lowering of the age to go on missions, so there was a lot of buzz about it at the fireside. My first feeling was complete delight. More sisters will serve missions! More sisters will get to have this experience, which will really strengthen them and strengthen the church. I also had this huge feeling of gratitude and love at the thought that the Lord and the leaders are really aware of the problems and complications we face and are trying to respond. I'm sure this change took years of thought, prayer, and planning. I am really hoping this will change a lot of the stereotypes about missions. Girls who choose to serve will no longer be the ones who couldn't get married. I am also hoping that the lowering of the age for boys will disrupt our engrained "Age 19 Age 19 Age 19" idea enough that there will be more openness to choosing when people feel ready to serve. I am hoping it will be more like a door is opened at age 18 that will remain open for several years rather than you are kicked out the door. But who knows? I fear time will likely settle it into the old pattern, because we are imperfect and like routine and structure and control. But I really do hope it will improve things.

 

No pressure Bill, but if you feel like putting in your papers earlier.... I'd love to see you in 2 and a half years instead of 3. :) Just kidding, though. You need to work that out between you and God. Definitely not my place to say when you should go, and freshman year holds a lot of fun, important experiences. There is an elder in my district who got called to his sister's exact same mission, and they were both out here in Taipei for six months. Ever since then I've been crossing my fingers you'll come! Or at least go to the Taichung mission. (Taiwan is the best country in the whole world to me, right now.) Or at least Mandarin speaking. So I can help and console you. Ha, I know the chances are so slim, but you never know!

 

What a week! It started out rough. This was the first week of my mission I have really experienced loneliness/homesickness. I was so spoiled in the MTC by getting Dear Elders nearly every day, by being able to run into cousins and friends, and by having such a good support group around me constantly. My companion is amazing (sometimes I feel like I want to be good and happy for her sake alone), and my district is actually still pretty close, (we see each other multiple times during the week, and hang out on P-days), so for a missionary in-field I actually have a very solid support group. But it was still hard this week. I can't really put my finger on a reason. But probably just because every day really just requires so much effort, hard work, concentration, and spiritual strength that when I don't feel strong or willing enough to meet those demands I sink inside myself and start dreaming of elsewhere. But I look back on this week and even though there were so many weak, selfish moments, there were so strong moments. Those times when I summoned a courage and will from deep within the well of me, and found an ability to do things and keep going that in my weak moments I didn't believe was there. To talk to people when I knew I might not understand their replies. To wake up in a cheerful mood instead of a sour one. To find words when my companion didn't have any. To have faith! To turn outward instead of inwards. To make that miniscule but crucial change of heart that Christ's character epitomizes. I am grateful for a mission if for no other reason than for requiring me to do this. Sacrifice is so, so soul-stretching and good.

 

Yesterday was such an interesting day. We have an investigator, Deng Jiemei, (won't use full name) who comes from a (very) rough backgound but has a solid desire to learn the gospel and be baptized. She soaks in our lessons like she is thirsty, always has tons of questions, and amazes us by asking things like, "How can I get my friends to accept the law of chastity?" when we were afraid she might have problems with it herself. Always at the end of lessons she says, "Xiexie, xiexie Nimen" (Thank you, thank you) and asks us to kneel with her in the closing prayer. On Saturday, she confessed to us that when she was 17 she was involved in a crime that required her to go to court and wanted to know if that would interfere with her baptism. We weren't sure, but said we would look into it. And during that meeting I was filled with so much love and amazement for her. Her background involved years of abuse and pain but she was pulling through it, and the gospel seemed to be providing a sense of safety and love she had never known before.

 

Yesterday during relief society, she was sitting in the back row with me and another investigator. She mysteriously disappeared halfway during the meeting and didn't come back. After the meeting, the other investigator realized her phone was missing. There are too many details to the story to explain why, but we basically knew it was Deng Jiemei who had taken it. The police were called. They told us that she had a record with them. Sister Kang and I walked home feeling absolutely sick about it, for so many reasons. But we called our mission president because we weren't sure what to do (Deng Jiemei still wants to get baptized) and he gave us an incredible, empowering opportunity. He asked, "Why do you think you should do? Have you asked the spirit? Go say a prayer, talk it out, and call me back with a plan." And so we did. And while we talked, this peace and sense of compassion came over me. I don't know about Sister Kang, but I was able to feel genuine love and forgiveness and hope for Deng Jiemei. It was an amazing moment to feel my faith tested and confirmed in the truth I speak multiple times every day, "God loves you." I say that to strangers at stoplights and inactive ward members and and to my family and to myself. And in all of these cases, including myself, I don't know the extent of the person's sins/unworthiness before God. But it is still true. It really is. We were able to think of a plan of action we felt peace about, taking into account all the various ways the situation could go dependant on ward members' and Deng Jiemei's decisions. And something that I felt sick and depressed about facing yesterday afternoon right now seems like a joyful opportunity to better understand the atonement.

 

I felt really grateful for my sociology background, during this whole situation. I was able to see our investigator not as untrustworthy or bad but as someone who has unhealthy patterns of behavior and thought that are going to be very painful to break, but can be broken. Not all of sociology would agree with my first or second clause. A lot of sociology would perhaps agree but have a million different ideas about how that could be done. The gospel has it's own ontology of human beings, though, and I feel grateful to say all my study of the other theories has brought me back to this one.

 

Life is good. Taiwan is an amazing, beautiful place. And so is the place that surrounds you right now, wherever you are. There are people around you who need help and tiny miracles going on around you that you aren't aware of. Let's try to notice them more this week. I am working on it, too.

 

Love you all so much! Thanks for all the love and support!

 

Diana