Zhongwen Dianying (Chinese Movies)‏

So in case you haven't figured it out yet, for the subject of my email every week I like to say something in Chinese that I am grateful for, or that is making my life good right now. This last Sunday we watched "Legacy", the really sappy pioneer film, in Mandarin. It was basically our whole zone of Mandarin-speaking missionaries crammed into a dark room with a small TV, and it was the most I've laughed in a long time. The movie in English is already kind of hilarious, in my opinion, and just imagine it being dubbed with over-enthusiastic Chinese voices.

 

I leave for Taiwan in three weeks from today! Time is going by so quickly, but at the same time I feel like I've been here forever.

 

This was a fairly exciting week for us.

On Saturday at the TRC, (that is when volunteers from outside the MTC will come to let us teach them in Chinese), we got a non-member volunteer to teach. She was from China, but is doing some biology research here in Utah. As soon as we started talking and she told us she wasn't a member, I had a quick mini panic attack at the sudden real-lifeness, but we got over it and I think had an okay lesson. We taught her about prayer. She was very accepting of everything and asked good questions--it was obvious she wanted to learn about our beliefs, but definitely seemed to want to learn out of curiosity and academic interest rather than wanting to find out the truth of what we are saying. She compared  what we taught her about God, and how he helps us through prayer, to Chinese people's beliefs about gaining power from nature gods. In retrospect, I wish we had handled the situation differently and taught her the first vision or something that challenged her a little bit more, but that's okay. We did the best we could. On our little evaluation form, under the question about what she learned from meeting with us, she said, 'I leanred importance of prey and through prey we become perfect as God." Haha, starting off my mission potentially preaching false doctrine (depending on how you interpret it). I thoughtt that was pretty cute.

 

After the lesson, she asked me how long I had been studying Chinese, and said she was really surprised it was only eight weeks. She said, "Wo tingdong", which means she heard and understood me. That made me feel pretty good. I definitlely don't feel very confident about my Chinese, but I think I am doing about as well as I can with the training and resources I've had.

 

On Sunday, they called me to be the coordinating sister for our zone. That is kind of like the female equivalent of zone leader--I am supposed to visit all the sisters in the zone every night, help them with whatever they need, check up on how they are doing, help them resolve any problems, and report about things to the Branch president if necessary. Also attend a bunch of meetings, which I don't enjoy so much. I have mixed feelings about the calling. Sister Briggs had been chatting all week about how much she would love to be coordinating sister. I genuinely didn't really want it because I didn't want to have to go to extra meetings and I knew it woudl be one more thing that would make Sister Briggs feel bad about herself. She really, really struggles with her self-esteem. I could have told you that the first day I met her, but I understand it on a much deeper level, now. And it's true, the branch president called us into a room on Sunday and said, to her, "We are going to ask your companion to be coordinating sister", and next to me I felt her whole body sink into a tense, pitiful sigh. She was quiet for the next couple hours and so was I. I told her since we were companions I wanted to do it as a team, and she was quick to reassure me that she supported me and didn't feel bad about it. But I know it hurt her, maybe a lot more than I even know. And then throughout the day people kept shaking my hand saying, "congratulations" and I felt like saying, 'Really, is this something to be congratulated for?" Of course it isn't. Once I actually started attending meetings, I started being appreciative of the opportunity.  We talked about Christ's example and teachings that leadership is about love, service, ministering to other people, and using the spirit to solve problems. I really liked that, But sometimes the attitudes about callings among missionaries totally misunderstands that.

 

Sister Briggs has taught me so much. I genuinely love her, and am glad that she is my companion. We are so different, and the fact of that smacks us in the face nearly every day when we try to plan lessons or our schedules. I love reading scriptures with investigators, she thinks our investigators get confused if we share too many scriptures. I tend to ask probing questions that get our investigators to open up, she wants to always be sure to respect their privacy. I get really excited about really abstract ideas and she connects with the gospel through stories and specific examples. And I could go on and on about how different our personalities are, and how these differences manifest themselves in painful ways, every day, sometimes as a pinprick of irritation here and there, and sometimes to the extent that we walk side by side back to our dorm room in a tense, stony silence. But there are other days when we walk home with our arms around each other, or when we can't stop laughing during class at some inside joke we shared, Or like last night, when we read scriptures together and start talking about our problems and our thoughts and the vastness and vulnerability of the person we are speaking to comes alive within us. Last night I made my rounds visiting the other sisters, and finally made it back to my room to start getting ready for bed. Sister Briggs was already in bed, but her body was stiff under her blanket and I could tell she wasn't sleeping. I asked her how she was doing, how her day was, obviously meaning it in a deeper way than usual, considering I had spent nearly every minute of the day with her. She said her day was good, then paused for a few seconds and blurted out, "I love you." Then we had a heart to heart about how even though we sometimes have disagreements, we are so grateful to have each other, and to connect over the things we do have in common, and how much we are going to miss each other when we get new companions in Taiwan.

 

That made me feel so good. This morning at the temple, I kept thinking of what a good, pure example of love she is to me. She has so many things she could resent me for. I am actually really insecure about my ability to love and sacrifice for people. I have always been a really private, mistrusting person, in a lot of ways. But I already feel that my mission has started to help my soul invert on itself, that the fundamental questions I live by are starting to change, to ask about and seek for the happiness and beauty and security of those outside me rather than inside me. This is obviously a daily struggle, but I catch glimpses of it here and there that sometimes last for a few minutes, and sometimes for a few days. The light stops shining when my questions reflect it inwards again and they got lost and distorted in a cavern of selfishness. I know this will be something I struggle with my whole life. But I really believe, now, stronger than I did before, in the power of Jesus Christ's love to change our hearts. In real, sustaining ways. That's what has been doing it for me.

 

School has started! How did everyone's first day go? Mary, did you get a good schedule thrown together last minute? Jeffrey and Jon and Emily, all of you who are at new schools, what do you think? Is Tanner in junior high now? I can't remember... Doug, how is the masters program? John-Mark, Natalie, and me, isn't it weird to be  approaching September but NOT to be going to school? Chris and Stephen, how does it feel to be the oldest at your school? Scott and Abby, how was your west coast trip? Garrett and Aya, how do you like your new apartment? How is fat Akane and drooly Chai? Rachel, how are you and the little one? I miss you all so much! If it's not too much trouble, I would LOVE to have about a million pictures of everyone before I leave for Taiwan, especially fun memory pictures. I hardly have any pictures of the family.

 

I know there are a lot of hard things going on for each of you right now. I really love you and pray for all of you. And I really hope that you all can find things to be happy about, that give you peace. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you! Tanner, happy birthday this week! Love you!

 

 

Diana