Wo shi Bu Jiemei (I am Sister Brown)‏

Diana is doing well. There are pictures at the end of her letter.

 

Ni Hao family!

 

So I hear Bro. Knowles wanted to know the Chinese name they gave me? It is Bu Jiemei. (Boo Jee-yeh May). Jiemei means sister. Isn't that pretty? But this is also potentially temporary, I could change it if I wanted to. I debating changing my name to Niu Jiemei (Sister Cow), but I don't really like how that sounds. I have also considered changing it to Kao JieMei. So it would so like "Cow" in English. But then my name would literally mean Sister test/trial, which isn't very nice. Any opinions?

 

Another learning-thick week at the MTC.  Let's get started.

 

On Sunday we played our musical number during Mission Conference. (That is a special two-hour long devotional they give to all the missionaries on fast sunday, since there is extra time due to the absence of meals.) We played Meditation. I was nervous, so I played it a tad shaky, but nothing too terrible happened. I was going through my usual post-imperfect-performance humiliation stage until sacrament meeting, when I thought of Dad and how annoyed he always was when I was unsatisfied with a sincere, good-effort performance. I decided to get over myself and started accepting compliments without second-guessing them. Ever since then I've felt like a minor MTC campus celebrity--random missionaries have been approaching me every time I'm in public telling me I did a good job. I'm not sure if I'd like to repeat it but it was a cool experience--I have never played and probably will never again play in front of an audience of 2-3,000 people. (Not sure how many people there are here, but it was the whole MTC.)

 

Since last week, my friend Sister McKay and I have been waking up an extra half hour early to go running/work out. The MTC holds early morning work out classes for the sisters. Every day they have things like kickboxing, yoga, pilates, etc. Yesterday we went to a jump roping class! So fun. Sister McKay is a triathlete and former marathon runner, so spending most of the day sitting down has been a difficult adjustment for her. (We also decided to stop eating all sweets except ice cream, which adds further rest to our insecure souls). But anyway, on our second day of running I somehow injured myself. The muscle on the side of my right knee really hurts whenever I walk or run. The pain  comes and goes, but I have basically been limping for the past week. Today I finally went to the health center and I have an appointment tomorrow for someone to check it out. I don't think there's anything seriously wrong, I probably just need to rest it. I also am coming down with a cold, I think. Please have dad read this when he gets back from Alaska and send me a sarcastic response to my medical problems. I wish he would write to me more! Not to mention Bill! Among others. You know who you are. (Just kidding, I know you're all busy... But I do love letters.)

 

So, this week has been really humbling in regards to how I have felt about mission rules. Last week when I was in the middle of my dramatic emotional episode, I was praying about how I should compromise my mixed values, and really felt prompted to practice what I preach: sincerely act according to what I feel the spirit directing me to do. (As opposed to thoughtlessly conforming to rules.) I have learned a lot of unfortunate lessons about myself since then that I think I should share. I realized that most often when I wanted to disobey rules it is because they require something inconvenient or somehow offensive to me. (Not singing Modest Mouse lyrics in the shower, studying scriptures instead of my mail during companion study, being more on time, etc.) And it never occurred to me before how hypocritical that is. I accuse the other side, the rule-conformers, of using rules as an escape from having to figure things out for themselves and be motivated by sincerity. But I use my own "I hate rules" philosophy to justify what is uncomfortable for me, as well. I really need to consider both sides and not think that I know everything.

 

Another thing I really have been learning is that as I try to be closer to the spirit... I want to follow the rules. Because a lot of them are actually not that bad of rules. I was on my second verse of "Custom Concern" by Modest Mouse when I suddenly found what I was doing offensive. I decided to come on a mission, and really serve God for these 18 months. But it's like I expected to do that exactly how I was, without needing to sacrifice anything or make uncomfortable changes or give up things that mean a lot to me, like music. Am I really so special that I can only serve a mission if I get to play violin every day and can listen to whatever music I want, even if it takes my thoughts away from the gospel?  Well, I decided this week that's not the type of missionary I want to be. I want to devote my entire self to this, It's definitely not easy and the question of my commitment smacks me in the face every day, but I've decided I want to be a missionary who can sacrifice.

 

God is a very kind, patient teacher. This week all my scripture studies seemed to lovingly answer my question over the mission rules. Overall I learned that I have had good intentions, but perhaps need to see things differently.  Both Nephi and Jacob in the Book of Mormon express their knowledge that the Law of Moses was a temporary law and didn't contain the fullness of truth that Christ would bring. I rather arrogantly related to that in how I have felt about mission rules--that they are for missionaries who don't know how to govern their own behavior. But you know what? Both Nephi and Jacob said they would obey the Law of Moses anyway, because it "pointed their souls to Christ", because it would be sanctified as righteousness unto them, because it was the law that they had right then, and they accepted that. There is something so compelling and humbling to me about their simple obedience, even though they knew it was an imperfect law, and their willingness to embrace whatever was given to them. They weren't mindless about it--they knew that it would be done away with when Christ came. But they obeyed anyway.

 

So that's just something to think about. I know not everyone will agree with my still-forming conclusions, but I really do feel I have been taught by the spirit this week. I am trying to be wise and think for myself but not be too arrogant to think I know everything.

 

Chinese is still going all right. I'm trying to just focus on getting better every day... Error of the week: volleyball (paiqiu) and beer (pijiu) sound very similar to me. A few of the sisters came back from playing volleyball one afternoon and I asked them, "Pijiu hao, ma?" (How was the beer?)

 

Love you all so much! Thanks for all the letters and love! Take care!

 

Diana