A story about a watermelon

Good Morning! 

Thank you everyone for your love and support. I would love to hear from a lot of you I haven't heard from recently! Not just because I--along with every missionary-- am desperate for letters, but because I genuinely love and miss all of you. Friends and family, all included! I pray for all of you so much. I think about you. I want to know what's going on in your lives. Hope all is going great!

These pictures are from a hike we went on last P-day. This is my beloved city, Taipei, Taiwan! The tall building is called "Taipei 101", it is 101 stories and is (obviously) the tallest building in the city. The people in the picture are other missionaries or members. 

There are days like that--spent trudging through the mountains with good conversations buzzing around you--when I feel so overcome with happiness. Having to be so spiritually/mentally/intellectually/physically on your toes all the time can make you appreciate simple things like nature and stories and chinese graffiti on rocks as if they are sacred. 

There are moments where my soul catches glimpses of why someone would choose to be a nun, a saint, a savior. 

Moments where the utter loneliness of selfishness is so clear and cutting. What does it mean, at the bottom of things, if people think you are the prettiest/smartest/most capable/most deserving? On a deeper level, what does it mean if people finally start agreeing with you, admit they were wrong, start treating you the way you "know" you deserve to be treated, etc? Really, if I won it all, what would it mean? I am starting to see how winning arguments, winning admiration, winning respect for my own comfort's sake is like being the king in Robin Hood--sitting alone in his palace counting his money.  The only way anything matters, it seems, is if in the end it allows you to live side by side with another human being. 

I love when love is spread and comes back around. Last week, Sister Zhong, came to one of our investigator's lessons. She is a chubby, older woman in our ward who takes us out to eat Hot Pot about once a month and always reminds me to tell my parents not to worry, she is my "mama" in Taiwan. She brought us a huge watermelon, just to be nice. After the lesson, we weren't sure what to do with it because we were going to visit the Shi family, and it fit in our bike baskets but we felt awkward carrying it into their house. We decided to solve the problem, we would give the watermelon to the Shi family as a gift. They are quite poor, with three kids and an apartment the size of most people's living room. We had a really good lesson with them. The Mom, who we are really close to, started crying because of stress in her marriage and we tried our best to comfort her. 

The next night, this mom had volunteered to help us with an investigator's lesson, but didn't show up, so we started without her. We were talking to Sally about Tithing, Fast offerings, and the importance of mutual love and service in the church. We were specifically talking about Christ, how he was willing to do this for all of us--to bear our burdens and sensitively, lovingly respond to our needs--to the greatest extent. About halfway through the lesson, the mom came in with three bags of watermelon. "Sorry I'm late," she said, "I was cutting up the watermelon you gave me last night". And she gave the bags to us and to Sally, our investigator. I wanted to cry; it was so sweet, and the perfect example of the kind of Christ-like sensitivity and care we were discussing. 

Sally, by the way, is an incredibly strong investigator. She came out to us a few weeks ago. "Wo xihuan nusheng," she said. (I like girls). She, along with another investigator who is also attracted to women, know they are expected to keep the law of chastity but still want to get baptized. I don't want to claim to know their hearts, what their reasons are for being willing to make this sacrifice, but from what they tell us, it is because they have felt the difference between a life filled with Christ-like love, service, hope, and humility, and a life without. Maybe I can write more specifically about them later. 

 

I love being a trainer. Having opportunities to teach how to be a missionary helps me to realize that really, I am just trying to teach  Sun JieMei how to be a good person. Not that I have any room to talk about this topic, but I try. One time as we were going to a meeting and I was contacting people on the subway, but I could tell she was feeling shy about it. So I said, "Pick a person to talk to. Don't worry about talking to her about the gospel at first. Just get to know her. Think about what she worries about, hopes for, and all the things God knows about her but that no one else knows. Just try to love her." We have such sweet experiences, when we approach missionary work that way. 

I have been thinking so much of Jeffrey this week, and praying so much for him. 

Jeffrey, I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you I love you in person! Good luck with this transition into the MTC. One last thing I have been thinking that I want you to know is that if you worry that your faith or desire isn't strong enough to serve, stop worrying. You are right! One myth that has been totally dispelled for me on my mission is the idea that there are "some" missionaries who have testimonies and are out for the "right" reasons, and others who are not. Even the strongest who go out will quickly learn that all the good abilities, desires, and experiences they have need to be stretched and shaped--often uncomfortably--to fit the unique reality they are placed in. The mission, and life in general, is all about LEARNING to have faith, LEARNING to have good desires, in new situations, with new people, etc. Your willingness to open up your heart and work hard is the most important thing. 

Jiayou! Wo ai nimen! (Translation: Good luck/Add oil, I love you)

--Sister Brown

P.S. Speaking of Chinese, can I just tell you all how much I love it?! I am starting to read and write more and more, and its opening me up to the beauty of this language. Every character has a history that can teach you so much about this culture and how they see the world. I wish there were time to adequately study everything I want to in life.